Throwing Out the Life Preserver

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I hated working out. Thought I didn’t need it, that was for crazy people, I had better ways to spend my time! (don’t laugh or think I was a self absorbed jerk, I just didn’t SEE a need to get sweaty and sore) but barely in my 20s I found myself in rapidly deteriorating health that led to miscarriage of our first child.

That was my true wakeup call.

Up until then all the talk was just noise that made me want to hide more, it wasn’t until I felt broken and like a failure that the noise finally started to resemble words. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t happen over night (and STILL some days are like reopening the wound). I distanced myself from my closest friends and family, made some poor choices and generally started to self destruct.

I needed an outlet for my frustration, despair and self loathing. What was once discomfort in my own skin, had escalated to hating my body for not doing the one thing that it is supposed to do as a woman. I needed to pick myself up and pull it together not only for me, but for the sake of my marriage, for the sake of the amazing man who got a little more than he bargained for, yet stood by my side through my entire roller coaster ride.

I haven’t always been happy and healthy, I haven’t always been able to reflect the light in my life back to those who shine brightest for me. It took (and takes) hard work, some days the waves crash over me and I struggle to keep my head above water, but those days are far outnumbered by the days I can sit on the shore and soak up the light in my life.

I don’t say this to brag, or be boastful. Because if I’m honest, I’m still not in the place I want to be. What I want is sleepless nights rocking a newborn, to hear little feet on my hardwood floors, to be at little league games and school plays, but I have to hold onto the belief that the best is yet to come and one day I will get to do all those things and more.

The point was I had the courage to start, to decide this wasn’t how my story would end, that I would no longer play the role of the villain and the victim, that somebody was going to be the hero in my story and that somebody was me.

That one decision literally changed everything.

You are the one writing your story, so why not make the happily ever after start right now?

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