Throwing Out the Life Preserver

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I hated working out. Thought I didn’t need it, that was for crazy people, I had better ways to spend my time! (don’t laugh or think I was a self absorbed jerk, I just didn’t SEE a need to get sweaty and sore) but barely in my 20s I found myself in rapidly deteriorating health that led to miscarriage of our first child.

That was my true wakeup call.

Up until then all the talk was just noise that made me want to hide more, it wasn’t until I felt broken and like a failure that the noise finally started to resemble words. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t happen over night (and STILL some days are like reopening the wound). I distanced myself from my closest friends and family, made some poor choices and generally started to self destruct.

I needed an outlet for my frustration, despair and self loathing. What was once discomfort in my own skin, had escalated to hating my body for not doing the one thing that it is supposed to do as a woman. I needed to pick myself up and pull it together not only for me, but for the sake of my marriage, for the sake of the amazing man who got a little more than he bargained for, yet stood by my side through my entire roller coaster ride.

I haven’t always been happy and healthy, I haven’t always been able to reflect the light in my life back to those who shine brightest for me. It took (and takes) hard work, some days the waves crash over me and I struggle to keep my head above water, but those days are far outnumbered by the days I can sit on the shore and soak up the light in my life.

I don’t say this to brag, or be boastful. Because if I’m honest, I’m still not in the place I want to be. What I want is sleepless nights rocking a newborn, to hear little feet on my hardwood floors, to be at little league games and school plays, but I have to hold onto the belief that the best is yet to come and one day I will get to do all those things and more.

The point was I had the courage to start, to decide this wasn’t how my story would end, that I would no longer play the role of the villain and the victim, that somebody was going to be the hero in my story and that somebody was me.

That one decision literally changed everything.

You are the one writing your story, so why not make the happily ever after start right now?

Finding My brave

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So I’m a chicken.
Like 100% love and follow all these rock star peeps but would be FAAAAAR to afraid to talk to them let alone do anything about getting pictures with them, well my ‘momma coach’ yelled at me when I told her I needed her here to be my ‘brave’ because she makes me feel invincible. I was battling some social anxiety and feeling really overwhelmed, I told her I can’t do this without her.
After a firm talking to and an order to go make this trip something I am proud of with NO REGRETS, we happened to be walking next to this rock star….well I swallowed my nerves, (and my “OhMYGosh that’s Coach Caleb” giddyness) and asked if I could bother him for a picture. He said yes; and flint to fire and I found my brave.
Turns out it was in me all along.

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Is it really that life changing?

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When I committed to coming on this trip, to making this happen no matter what;
I had NO IDEA the change that would happen here.

I had no idea I would be witness to so many inspiring stories, that I would cry so much, that I would sweat so much, that I would walk away with a heart so full, that I would meet friends I’ll love for a lifetime, that I’d hear such great stories that truly touch my heart, that I would walk so much, sleep so little, laugh so hard and leave here so FIRED up to chase my dreams.

I’ve heard so many people say that THIS EVENT was their game changer, and honestly I thought they were just saying it.
I wasn’t a believer.
But after being here this week I can finally see what they were talking about, but more importantly I can FEEL it.
I can feel the CHANGE and see the VISION.
And I KNOW that from this moment on I can (and will) be a little braver, do a little more and truly live life by my design. 💗

WARNING: Extra Motivation Required

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That’s right I said it, extra motivation required. I’m human. Even though I know how beneficial a good workout is, the endorphins that make you happy (happy people don’t shoot their husbands [or coworkers];)), the energy to power through the day, the stress relief and of course feeling less guilty about the Chinese food (hey being honest here)…sometimes all that still isn’t enough for me to stay goodbye to my bed at 5am or have to wash my hair, again (have I mentioned how much I hate that?)
What’s a girl to do?
Well this Irish/European skin desperately needs sun….and I enjoy a good book in the sunshine.
*Queue an added more tangible reward.*
So everyday I get my sweat on, I can get my tan on too. (Bug spray required, this is the Lowcountry)

How do you motivate/reward yourself?
If you dont have a way, What are things you like to do?
Let’s come up with something that works for you!

Ready for Baby?!?

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It’s no secret that I want to be a Mom. In fact my entire life I can’t think of ONE thing I wanted to be more than a Mom, not one. I married my high school sweet heart, I got my degree, we moved away, adopted a fur baby, bought a house, adopted another fur baby, I went back to school, quit school because it was making us broke and went back to work full time. And you know what? In the middle of all that, what my heart wanted never changed. My heart still aches every time yet another friend announces they’re expecting, my news feed and grocery store visits are filled with Mommies to Be and infants galore (thank you, multi-branch military town!) and here I sit with those extra bedrooms that have yet to be filled with toys and laughter, my ovaries kick it into high gear when I see or smell a baby…you may laugh, but it’s a thing I promise.

We’ve been saying, oh when XYZ happens then we can start a family. For a long time it was when we had a place of our own, well when I finish school, well when my husband has a steady income, well we don’t have insurance and having babies is expensive, well when I have a career that I’ve settled into and can bring home so I don’t have to miss so much of our kids’ lives, when I can find someone I trust to keep the kids, when pigs fly, when the moon falls out of the sky, when we can take a trip to the moon, when we can teleport to California rather than fly…okay well maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture. I was depressed, and frustrated and it showed in our marriage and the way we handled things.

Some of those things were logical, some of them made sense at the time and some of them seem completely irrational to me now.

Why?

Well because to be honest, those were great milestones and goals to have but we didn’t have a real plan to reach them, any of them. As much as I pride myself on being a planner, we in no way made a plan to achieve those goals….so really we in no way were truly working to create the life for the family we wanted.

What’s different today?

Today, we not only KNOW what we want (in very fine detail, might I add) we also have a PLAN of action and a TIMELINE in which we want to complete it all. The trials of being beyond paycheck to paycheck, of being sick all the time, of the heartbreaking news we didn’t want to hear, and of sticking it out through all the pain has us coming out on the other side with determination to change our fate and the kind of marriage you see in short bursts with an overlay of music on movie screens. I’d like to think that the hard times made me better, made us better, and has made us more appreciative of all that we have and all that we receive.

It has us making lists, setting goals and putting our plan into action.

So rather than a “someday, maybe, when” mentality we have a 2 year baby plan (that we’re both privy to) that allows us to enjoy our time together, finish our home renovations piece by piece and build the life that works best for us. To the best of our abilities, we’re planning for baby….with a Total Money Makeover, a renovation checklist and a “Before Baby” bucket list.

So what should we add to our list? What things do you wish you had done before you had kids? Or at least something you miss the most so we know to savor it while we can?

We’ve been quiet about our pain for too long, and I for one am tired of suffering in silence.

So it’s time I started asking questions, talking to more than just my journal and making a little noise, after all that’s what the end game is anyways right? A noisy house full of love, laughter and tears.

APPLES APPLES EVERYWHERE!

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a delicious recipe to help satisfy that craving for something sweet

I’ve got lots of apples, and a wicked sweet tooth rearing it’s ugly head, this recipe helped take care of both problems!

2 birds, 1 stone. I hope you enjoy this delicious recipe as much as I did!

The Making of a Kingdom

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We have a once car garage. Yet neither of our cars get to call it home. If you’re wondering where all those OCD forest animals put all the dust, cardboard, tools and outdated appliances it was in my dark dusty dungeon of a garage. What’s that you say? There weren’t circa 1962 appliances in fairy tales and Disney movies? Oh well someone should kindly tell them that, because I am lacking in the singing princess department they refuse to relocate it all to someone else’s dungeon, trust me I tried that angle.

So with the animals on strike I was left with a big dungeon full of cardboard trolls, all the tools the dwarfs didn’t want to carry and enough odds and ends to keep Templeton happily rummaging for days. If I wanted a little more sparkle in my life I was going to have to enlist the help of my Prince so for four and a half hours we cleaned out that dingy dungeon and when most of the mess those forest creatures left behind was gone we started putting it all back! You see in the almost two years we’ve been inhabiting our early1960’s estate, those creatures did drop off some useful things too. We finally had the space to assemble the pile of shelves in the corners, and with the shelves in place the dwarf’s tools now had a set place to be. we freed the cardboard trolls and last I saw they were hanging around until their chariot arrives on Thursday.

Under all the rubble we discovered the pile of Knight Training gear we had been keeping under lock and key. With the dungeon clearing up there was finally the space to set everything up and have it accessible not just in the pinch before the battle, but year round! We were able to put together our Kingdom of Sweat-Sylvania (<~ see what I did there (;) for less than $100.00. We purchased a $20 6×5 non slip rug, $20 weight set, 2 adjustable weight benches $24.96 each and $6.96 DVD player ( I ❤ GOODWILL). Everything else we already had.

We busted our butts putting together our training facilities. I’m so excited to get out there and build up some muscles and sparkle daily. I know my Prince is excited to be able to spend more time in his throne surveying the subjects and commanding the armies undisturbed anyways. (;

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Our Training Facility Currently Has:

  • Multi-function Weight Machine
  •  2 Adjustable Incline Benches*
  • Dumb Bells
  •  Free Weights *
  •  Curl Bar
  • Squat Bar
  • resistance bands
  • Punching Bag and Gloves
  • Mirrors
  • TV
  • DVD Player*
  • Stability Ball
  • Chin-up Bar
  •  Fans
  •  Fridge for Waters
  •  Cabinet for Storage
  •  Large Whiteboard to keep on Track

Coming Soon….

  • Speed Bag (need hardware to hang it)
  • Jump Mats*
  •  Better Lighting *

*purchased after began transforming from dungeon to training facility

The best part about this recent development of our estate?

Despite my lack of princess qualifications, I get to make my own happy ending.

“No one is going to save you, be the hero of your own life.”

Fun little addition to this post….

I have since gotten my ‘anti-workout’ prince to join me! (: