Last year I took back my health, I am eating better, working out daily and running most days of the week. I never thought I’d be able to run a mile, let alone multiples; and of course I couldn’t until I tried. I could never have lost 27 lbs and 14 inches total if I didn’t get off my butt and do something about it. I have gained so much more than I ever thought possible, I have a new found love and appreciation for fitness and nutrition. I have found hobbies that I never thought I would be able to call mine. I have met amazing driven people who both inspire and encourage me daily, so why then am I so afraid to make this change? I hate change. Frankly it terrifies me! I find myself going over every single possible scenario (including the 89 I’ve made up) that could happen, I freak myself out and end up not making the change at all or talking myself out of it. My Resolution? Spend less time planning and worrying, more time enjoying and doing. Do you know what that means? You guessed it, I have to change something.
Before I started my fitness journey, it was “you have no idea what you’re doing, what if you hurt yourself? What if for the rest of your life you have this ridiculous limp you must explain to your children and all their friends because your dumbass didn’t know how to work the machine? What if they laugh at you? What if no one offers to help? What if I’m in someone’s way and they’re impatiently tapping their foot at me and they yell at me because I take to long? What if I put in all the work and it still doesn’t work?” You may laugh at some of those, but for real those are just a few of what I remember asking myself before, before I signed up for a gym membership and every time I went to get out of my car when I got there. That is until I found a friend who encouraged me to try Insanity, it’s “structured you’ll love it. and the best part is no onto watch you” No body watching and no guess work? SOLD! By taking this leap by grabbing on with both hands and finding there was this amazing group of people willing to support me and work through it with me, you’d think I’d be a little less gun shy about change right? WRONG.
I’ve been working in my profession for 6 years now, and my entire life it was all I ever wanted to do. But now that I’ve been at this for awhile I’m burnt out. I know I know a phase right? Give it more time right? What if I said I’ve felt this way for over a year and it hasn’t gotten better but instead worse in the tenfold? So after over 6 months of being miserable and me complaining daily, my husband turns to me and says “If you’re so unhappy, then do something about it!” Well it only took me a few months to listen and another couple to decide that he was right I need to change something (hey I already made it abundantly clear change terrifies me).
I am completely changing my major so I will be mostly starting over, which is tough to swallow given that I finished my AA in 4 semesters, worked nights and planned our wedding. We moved, bought a house, got a few dogs and somewhere in there I hunted for colleges in our small town-found none, attended an all online college-hated it, restarted my search for a college with the new credentials of changing my major. So I go from AA overachieving (seriously 7 classes in a summer semester) to fast forward a few years to present day and where I now get the joy of juggling:
1) Student at a continued over achiever status, I want straight As (I mentioned I was a perfectionist right?)
2) Keep Up my hard work in fitness and my love for running (which is more like therapy)
3) After School Care
5) Maybe keep a few friends (after all they’ve always been there, hoping that continues)
6) Keep in contact with the ‘mothers’ in my life so they don’t think I’ve died or been kidnapped
7 ) Oh yeah and this little thing called a marriage and running a household.
So basically I am expecting to become a hermit, sleep less, communicate only via text homework breaks and phone calls on travel time, run for therapy, study till my eyeballs ache, kiss all pleasure reading, TV and mindless free-time goodbye, pray for a miracle and make the best of every minute I have in a day because people are counting on me. No pressure right?
But I want a life we’ve never had, which is living without late fees and working in a profession that feels less like a root canal and more like I love what I do.
If I want a change, I have to do something I’ve never done, so here goes nothing….